Insomnia

Why can some people fall asleep just by deciding to?
How can people slaeep during travel? Be it plane or train. How?
I am so envious. I've had difficulties sleeping since childhood.
It's 04.54, and Ive tried to fall asleep since 23.00
However frustrating it is, -there is something magical about night.
These hours when it feels like you and the cat are the only awake beings.
Besides the poor bastards still in a bar somewhere in partyville.
Strange thoughts, creative whims, ingenious work-related ideas and
just general nonsense often appear as I battle for some sleep.
Why is it I always fall asleep just within the frikin hour the alarm is set to?

False nail virgin

So, I have 10 brand new (well, one week old) false nails.
I never thought I would have them, and now I do. Pretty much every woman I know have them, so why shouldn't I? They look great, but they come with all sorts of obstacles. I feel totally handicapped. I can't button my blouse, can't open my dogs tin of dogfood. I can't scratch my ear or pick my nose. I struggle to type, I can't deal with the locks on my necklaces and bracelets.
They need as much, if not more care than the original ones.
And, christ, it hurts when you break one! Yes, off-course I have broken nails already, what did you think? Not just one, but two snapped right off. It looks bizarre. My friend said matter -of-factly " you would break your nails even it they were made of diamonds and drilled into your fingers with oil platform technology"
Off to mend the two broken ones tonight. I have to! The bastards cost me a fortune.
One + of the whole thing, which again proves that men are gullable fools, - men think they are real! I mean, .. honestly. But hey, thanks boys, and bless your smelly socks!

Live with love, not in fear

I've just been bombarded by wellmeaning advice lately. Could karma be trying to tell me something? The messages I get have been delivered by the oddest mix of people. Some strangers and some old friends long not seen. A new friend I met during a conference in London told me "when one door closes another one or more opens".
That is true when you are in a position mentally to actually recognice these doors.
Sometimes after a blow, one takes a bit of time to reach that stage. But it seems I should become more positive ASAP. My good friend since 5 years made me aware of the power of self-fulfilling prophacy.. Something I know I'm guilty of.
A lovely man from Israel said the most powerful saying to me. He even grabbed my face in both hands and delivered with such intensity I think I have no choice but to listen to him. "Live in love, not in fear. Smile and keep going. Forget the past, there is only future ahead"
2010 I'll wow to become more focused and positive. Just saying so makes me feel happier. Perhaps this all really works..
The mind is a place of its own. It can make heaven of hell and hell of heaven.

I love babies too, but

But I'm not so sure about their mothers. Just today I tried to enjoy a coffee and newspaper in one of my favorite coffee-shops. To my huge disappointment two mums with their bundles of joy plonk themself down on the table next to me. Well, that inaccurate. Between them, Bentley priced off-pist trolleys, cots, changing bags, bottles, toys blankets and much more they actually occupied 3 two pax tables AND blocked any access on either side, leaving guests to hurdle on their way in or out and waiters manuvering like circe de solei doing their job. The babis cried. That's what babies do. The young mothers ordered each an apple juice. And the circus begins. Changing, burping, one brestfead, trips back and forth to the changing room. Apple juice knocked over. Bisquits all over the floor. What a mess!
And I can't help to overhear the detailed baby-talk between them. I almost think they spoke extra loud in their pride of being BABY MAMAS.
I mean. They are everywhere with their huge trolleys.And they walk side by side, blocking the entire sidewalk. The looks you get if you get if you try to squeese by! Can't you see there are BABIES here, you idiot, their look says.
I've even ended up in the cinema next to a screaming baby with a mother and all her equiptment. I swear they cannot possibly need alll that stuff! They bring more for a trip to the supermarket than I do when packing for a weekend getaway!
I like babies as much as anyone else, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. When I was shhhhhushed for caughing by two angry baby-mamas in the cafe, I left. Found myself a really grotty brown english pub. Last baby -free frontier.

Retail Therapy

I've just been on a full scale shopping bonanza. How wonderful.
My sweet grandma transfered money to my account with the spesific instructions to "spend it only on things you can wear. This cash is for vanity only"
Hurray! No worries there. First stop: pre-tone-toner, toner, day/night cream, eye-cream, masks, serum, pre-serum serum... the whole package.
Next: shoes! Boots eels and goodlooking semi-flats.
By now my heart is beating and the general well-being has drastically improved.
Then I'm off to get myself a nice new winter coat. Found a real beauty with the nicest details and tailoring like I've never owned before.
When I add jeans (which I now can fit into thanks to the world famous break-up diet) two tops, I'm mildly euphoric. Just to add insult to injury I get a scarf, one qute clutch and sunglasses as well. By this stage I am high as a kite.
Never ever underestimate the true value of retil therapy. It is perhaps not sientificly proven to work, but it sure as hell does. Any woman knows that. And for me at least, the feeling lingers a long time. Every time I use my serum, when I open my warderobe and find NEW THINGS to wear. Good stuff. Should I have spent money wisely on rent and food and boring stuff, sure! But we can't disappoint grandma now can we? And, as loreal have brainwashed me to think: I'm worth it!

Sundays are and never will be what I want it to be

Since childhood I've had a difficult time dealing with Sunday's. And from talking with friends I know I'm not alone. So, what is wrong with Sunday's?
Nothing that can be easily explained. I usually just feel the blues. The weather is rarely as good as it should be. And there is just that x-factor to this day which I feel difficult to describe. Even when I was in a relationship and had my partner around, -the perfect recipt for a good day (no work, time to make love, nice walks, quiet time e.t.c.) I found the "Sunday Cloud". Many people have Sunday as their preferred day of the week, but, try yourself, when you ask people, Sunday is not the most common day to be favorite. Why? Obviously it's the working week coming up, but surely that can't be all. Is there a religious undertone? What do I know. All I can do to combat sunday blues in getting snug in pyjama in front of the TV. Reading and walking helps too. I just wonder why this day seems twice as long as any other weekday...

Singlewoman with Large small dog!

I am embracing my new single life together with a 3 year old ADHD , hyperactive and super strong hunting dog. Now, if I was asked today
"would you like a time-consuming, needy, eating-machine with great strenght and a passion to go through the trash, jealousy issues and barking towards all men you meet and a bladder that won't have a friking break?" I think I'd politely decline, thank you very much.. Most of the "benefits" of singelton life are being robbed by this ever-present hyperenergetic, dog.

I can't change things now. I'm his mum. Be aware single girls out there: Select your breed with care, if you are not married an living with acres of lush countryside, don't get a hunting dog!

It's morning walks with NO END, its oh-god-I-forgot-dogfood/poo-bags/flea-treatment (again)- It's "No", "Down", "STOP", "God damn devildog!" all the time.. Day in and out. A few dates have already commented that the "dog situation" is rather unfortunate. Can I give him up? No way!

Breakup. The 5 stages you have to come through

Stages
1.Denial — "He's just out for a beer to gather his thoughts.. he'll be back with BurgerKing soon"; "He probably lied about cheating on me to get a reaction from me" " He'll call in a minute!"
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after the breakup
2.Anger — "How dare you not love me!" " "Who is to blame? Bring it on!" " I want to kick your ass with the highest and sharpest stilettos in the world!"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
3.Bargaining — "I'll do anything to get you back, almost.."; " If I promise to suck your cock every day... "I'll change, I promise. Ironed shirts everyday, baby!"
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay the breakup.
4.Depression — "I'm an unlovable piece of trash?"; "I'm never going to be happy again". . . " I'm ugly and fat", " It's a joungle out there"..
During the fourth stage, the world is simply just shit.
5.Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; " He looks kind of qute, doesn't he?"
" A date? Why not" . "I'm better-looking than his new woman, anyway"!
This is where you have given up the battle, and look forward to a new life in the single world. Happy journey to all breakupees out there!
Thank god I got through them all in one piece. Not that I won't relapse now and again, but I am happy to say I'm ready to leave behind the past and the future I cannot have and instead welcome the new life I have unlived ahead!

Merry Christmas

Today it's christmas, and I can't muster up any enthusiasm at all.
Wathching Fear, Stress and Anger on BBC. I did put up a christmas something on the door and put out tablecloths with christmas motives.
Christmas is for people with loved ones. For family.
I've not found mine yet. But perhaps 2010 will be the year I do.
Realize that sounds rather gloomy, but from where I'm sat it seems quite good.
New year. New challenges. New life.