Living without water and electricity

Soon I'm to relocate to this place. It has all the comforts of home, except electricity and running water. No tv, no   Jacuzzi,, no washer/dryer, no microwave and no hairdryer... Will be quite the experience.

How many people this day and age get a chance to live like that for a year?
It's an adventure. It will be hard to deal with the isolation. Living with no shortcuts..

Ode to captain

Broad shoulders need to rest
Not from worry
Just de-stress
Slip under the sheets
Receive all of my heat
His broad shoulders form a rest
When I'm on top hands on chest
Now this is how it's gonna be
My honey and your tree

If men designed this it would be durable and at a reasonable price.

Lately certain things have annoyed me. Objects mostly. Overpriced ones. The kind made for females only.
Honestly. I can assure you that the "wings" on fecking pads would actually work if designed for men. And should the stronger sex happen to have had the periods instead of us, pads and penis-tampons (!?) would be given away for free in pharmacies as a huMAN right!
Don't even get me started on nylons. Not even once in my tight-wearing life have nylons lasted a full 12 hours!
I swear if men used tights they would be as sturdy, yet comfortable and wearable as NASA spacesuits. And the price difference for male versus female products. Razors. Why are ours more expensive for us. Not only are we cursed with shaving everything but our faces.. we pay extra. Same now that Nivea and the lot are making men skincare lines.. Less expensive! Even deodorants.. identical roll-ons are more costly for women. Dont tell me it takes more ingredients too cover woman-sweat! Ahrg!

Missing. Thoughts on longing

I'm starting to get, for the first time in my life properly, why so many great works of art are made on the basis of longing. Music, literature, films, paintings even buildings.. great work of beauty are created by humans missing another human being.
Sure I have missed people before! I've sent fond thoughts. I've called and text-ed endlessly, had private conversations with them in my head, written letters, lost sleep and all the things that you do when missing.
Yet, it took me til 2011 to know the real measure of real longing. Longing for the one you love. The one who's presence is for you as essentially different as being asleep or awake.
Irish captain's at sea, and he left me in sweet longing. I would give anything for the guarantee that this ache won't turn from bittersweet, as I know he'll return to me, to sour. Luckily I'm too in love and feel in love back enough not to indulge in the mental insanity of playing the "what if.."- game.
I fully get the "climb every mountain" and "swim across oceans"-theeme now. And believe me,- I would.
However I don't think there can be beautiful missing combined with certain suicide, so I'll bet leave the ocean-crossing and mountain climbing.
Already planning the scrumptious meals I'll make him when he returns. Nice way to spend the time walking the dog. What would Irish Captain appreciate for dinner tonight?
I'm not longing because I am bored.
I don't miss him because I like to keep an eye on him.
I don't wait for him so he can come sort my life out.
I don't miss him out of habit
I don't miss him to because I'm acquired to..
I just do. And it feels good. Similar to how my heart feels when I miss my mother or father. Family.
Irish captain feels like family.

Just for today

As I mentioned before I have been pondering spirituality and just been very "deep and meaningful" lately.
The affirmations below are actually from AA, however I feel it's applicable to absolutely everyone. I've printed this out and carry it in my bag. Whenever I feel overwhelmed of life's trials and tribulations, I try to take a minute to myself and read through the points to remind me of the importance of serenity and living on life's own term's, not trying to make life fit mine.

• Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
• Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.
• Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.
• Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
• Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
• Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won’t find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
• Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
• Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.
• Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

The good ones out and the bad one's in. Thoughts on who is important in one's life

Lately I've reflected a lot on spirituality. Yes, it's true. The hard-core agnostic has looked into spirituality and asked endless questions I've no answer to.
Through this journey and the literature I've read and people I've spoken to, I have realized something about myself.
For years I've been incapable of humility. I've been bitter over things gone wrong in my life, and in the process obsessed very unhealthily about people I've been convinced were "after me". People who have wronged me and hurt me had become more important in my life than those who loves and care for me.
Sad, but true. The trials and tribulations I've faced over the last few years are filled with anger and resentment, even fear for certain individuals. This led to feelings of isolation and paranoia.
Why couldn't I see the ones who were there for me?
They were not the ones I wanted to like and love me. I was too obsessed with converting the "haters" and proving them wrong somehow, to see the hands reached out to me.
Instead of letting the positive people in my life give me hope and strength, I pushed them away like a spoilt brat, and let negative people interfere with all aspects of how I lived.
Childishly I've let insults and criticism of my person take precedence over love and appreciation of my person.
Brewing on insults is like a disease..

Buddha was well known for his ability to respond to evil with good.  There was a man who knew about his reputation and he traveled miles and miles and miles to test Buddha.  When he arrived and stood before Buddha, he verbally abused him constantly, he insulted him, he challenged him, he did everything he could to offend Buddha.  Buddha was unmoved, he simply turned to the man and said, “May I ask you a question?” The man responded with “Well, what?”  Buddha said, “If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it to whom then does it belong?”  The man said, “Then it belongs to the person who offered it”  Buddha smiled, “That is correct.  So if I decline to accept your abuse does it not then still belong to you?”  The man was speechless and walked away.