Singlewoman with Large small dog!

I am embracing my new single life together with a 3 year old ADHD , hyperactive and super strong hunting dog. Now, if I was asked today
"would you like a time-consuming, needy, eating-machine with great strenght and a passion to go through the trash, jealousy issues and barking towards all men you meet and a bladder that won't have a friking break?" I think I'd politely decline, thank you very much.. Most of the "benefits" of singelton life are being robbed by this ever-present hyperenergetic, dog.

I can't change things now. I'm his mum. Be aware single girls out there: Select your breed with care, if you are not married an living with acres of lush countryside, don't get a hunting dog!

It's morning walks with NO END, its oh-god-I-forgot-dogfood/poo-bags/flea-treatment (again)- It's "No", "Down", "STOP", "God damn devildog!" all the time.. Day in and out. A few dates have already commented that the "dog situation" is rather unfortunate. Can I give him up? No way!

Breakup. The 5 stages you have to come through

Stages
1.Denial — "He's just out for a beer to gather his thoughts.. he'll be back with BurgerKing soon"; "He probably lied about cheating on me to get a reaction from me" " He'll call in a minute!"
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after the breakup
2.Anger — "How dare you not love me!" " "Who is to blame? Bring it on!" " I want to kick your ass with the highest and sharpest stilettos in the world!"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
3.Bargaining — "I'll do anything to get you back, almost.."; " If I promise to suck your cock every day... "I'll change, I promise. Ironed shirts everyday, baby!"
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay the breakup.
4.Depression — "I'm an unlovable piece of trash?"; "I'm never going to be happy again". . . " I'm ugly and fat", " It's a joungle out there"..
During the fourth stage, the world is simply just shit.
5.Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; " He looks kind of qute, doesn't he?"
" A date? Why not" . "I'm better-looking than his new woman, anyway"!
This is where you have given up the battle, and look forward to a new life in the single world. Happy journey to all breakupees out there!
Thank god I got through them all in one piece. Not that I won't relapse now and again, but I am happy to say I'm ready to leave behind the past and the future I cannot have and instead welcome the new life I have unlived ahead!

Merry Christmas

Today it's christmas, and I can't muster up any enthusiasm at all.
Wathching Fear, Stress and Anger on BBC. I did put up a christmas something on the door and put out tablecloths with christmas motives.
Christmas is for people with loved ones. For family.
I've not found mine yet. But perhaps 2010 will be the year I do.
Realize that sounds rather gloomy, but from where I'm sat it seems quite good.
New year. New challenges. New life.

In 2010 I will ..

Take better care of myself
Blog more!
Have more empathy for others
Accept that I will never get rid of my pouch of fat on my tummy
Stop obsessing over my ex
Eat more red meat!
Stop critizising others so much
celebs not included)
Not use my employer as my bank
Not let the dog sleep in my bed
Stop thinking that one is a failure if one is not happy. It is ok to be sad now and again

Last post about the breakup

The final nail in the coffin. Now I will not blog about this breakup any longer.
Why? Because its not healty, not fun to read, and frankly more than just a little pathetic.
And now that he is in a new relationship, LIVING with her, there is a definite end to everything. But almost a relief.
So, from now on its back to the the original idea of Lets not be perfect!
Observations on lifes trivialities and NOT a long sobstory about lost love!

You do know that...

I loved you over anything I´ve ever known..
I wanted to make you happy more than anything..
I know I failed in so many ways, but that does not reflect my feelings for you, just my own shortcomings..
That I would have given anything to have another chance to make things right..
That it kills me you only remember m bad sides and the negative time....

Single Woman´s Christmas Joy

Walking into a shop the other day I had a shock. Working my way through hordes of Reindeers, Santa´s, glitter and umerous decorations, whith "Wite Christmas" on full volume, I could hardly find the dog food section.
Wearing a t-shirt, as the weather is still really nice on the rock, took a minute to ponder the miracle of Christmas. How can people fee excited about christmas in early November. Whilst people are still roasting on the beach?
As a single woman, with no family to speak of, Christmas is a nusianse only to be compared with childlessness and not having bagged a husband.
Over the next few days the whole Christmas marlaki started to hunt me.
What´s your plans?
Are you going home? NO!!! But why? Oh, but no, how can you not spend the holidays with your family?
But it's such a special time!
Come on. With divorced parents and no children, I ask you: what is Christmas supposed to be for a single woman?
Am I supposed to make marzipan and wrap special gifts on my own sipping gluehwein?
(Well, ehrm, the gluehwein I don´t mind at all, it´s the rest that narks me)
Everyone feel soooo sorry for you, and extends reluctant invites to come spend the holidays with them, their eyes begging for no.
I will do what I did last year as well:Cancel Christmas.

Enough is enough

Ok. So I have been completely comatose for 4 months. Enough is enough.
When I have been trying so hard to figure out what went wrong, or more spesifically, where I did wrong, I had a sudden realization.. It´s a complete waste of time!
If the man does not want me, it is pointless whatever answers I get.
HE DOES NOT WANT ME! That is the only thing I need to know..
So, it´s time to pick myself up and move on.
I am too old to waste any more time on this fiasco.

Life, are you still out there for me, please?
If I reenter,will you please be gentle with me?
I´ll do better this time round. I promise.

Have nobody to love any longer

There are so many nuances to this separation.. it never feils to stop me in my tracks as I truly make a holehearted effort here to move on and get on with my life. Walking home tonight I had a realization. I have noone to love any longer?
Yes yes, there are mums and pets and God and friends and and... But my love is no
longer wanted. My man has left me hung and dry. And my love is not returned any longer. He's no longer in love with me. He does not want me. And I am now alone again. Different this time. I like being alone. But this was not vulentary loneliness. This was not the life I had in my mind and heart at all.
And when I move I will wake up alone. And one day I will meet him holding his new girl. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of it. Can this really be true? Is there absolutely nothing I can do?
(Besides torturing myself with these no-brainer questions, that I in vain pretend have an "out of the box" solution to it, when in fact I'm just dilutional..)

Moving House but can't let go

I've found a new home. A sweet little corner house. Three floors, and a great bedroom. Scarily steep stairs and a TV. Haven't had a TV since January.
But packing up here is not happening. I am procrastinating. Cannot bring myself to
start moving. It's the third time I move on this island, but the first where I separate everything into his and hers. And the move itself was not my choice, I had no say in it. What's mine, what's yours. And you not being here, makes all those choices very hard. I don't want you to ever think I would take something out of greed. It hurts to go through all off our life together, it's as if I finally have no choice but to accept the truth. Who can believe there is hope, when I only bring one toothbrush to the little corner house.

Post closure confusion

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonight you tonight

you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
you could mean everything to me

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

Life Changes quicker than I

Have you ever felt that "karma" or life itself makes sudden moves, and it's hard to keep up? I am at a place right now, where everything feels like a roller-coster ride I did not sign up for. And, as usual, everything happens at once!
I like predictability and comfort. Chaos and change somewhat frightens me.
With no control I feel lost. But, perhaps I am in control?
Some of these changes are secret thoughts I have hidden on the "harddisk" for a while, just could not bring myself to do anything about it.
In fact. None of the changes I am going through are truly a surprise to me..
Karma is a harsh mistress

You know you are back home when..

- You feel like a child again. Parents never stop acting like parents when you are under their roof. It's a timewarp.
- A sheep or two walks through the garden when you have your morning coffee (Norway)
- You meet old scoolmates and think to yourself, "damn, they look old"
- You forget the wonderful health politics with a dash of christian puritanism of Norway and try to buy a sixpack of beer after 18.00, only to be sent out in shame
- You find some of your old clothes and make sure that no, there is no chance in hell you will EVER EVER fit back into them.
- You find some of your old clothes and blush by the thought of you actually wearing that in public
- Going to bed at 22.00 seems perfectly natural
- All food is nostalgic and tastes great
- You can't wait to get back to your own place, even though the visit home was great

It may just be the dark

Why do thoughts come to us differently after sunset? What us it with the sun setting and the stars appearing that make us humans relaxed, pondering and amazed at all thought suddenly flowing through our mind? I love those hours of utter silence and lonelyness. When it seems you are the only being awake. But it can easily be a time of negativity and sadness. Of longing and when regret, shame, guilt and what if's come to haunt us. There is pure magic in the night. Listen to Debussy's Claire de Lune, next time you feel ambivalent about your lonely nighttime thoughts. The melody perfectly describes the feeling of sitting up after dark. Its neither cheerful nor dark, it's simply the spirit of night.

How we deal with loss

Today Michael's official memorial. An artist that have had an impact on anyone alive today over the age of 15. It's touched me in many ways. Ways I never expected. You see, I have been known to mock him. Not just a bit. What I feel now is guilt and shame. Sure, his face was bizzare, his kids are blond and with blue eyes, his style "eclectic" and personal life .. I have said enough in the past.
Now that I try to digest the news of his sad death, I am left with one word. Lonely.
Why I don't really know, as he always sorrounded himself with the most out there people and stars. Perhaps his gravitation towards older women (Ross, Taylor), followed by the pursuit of children's company. He just seemed so lonely and so utterly lost. Michael, I sincerely apologise for my many cruel jokes about you.
I will play your beautiful song "Ijust can't stop loving you" tonight and think only good things of you. Rest in peace. I hope you have found everything you were so clearly looking for in heaven.

Friends

There are times in life when the going gets real though. It happens to most of us.
Its what they call life, I guess. When the shit hits the fan, you need your friends. Funnily enough this is a time when you get a fresh outlook on reality also in that aspect. When life is good and money is good, health is good and so on, friends hang out and are frequently part of your life. But, in times of need you really figure out who your true friends are. Many vanish overnight.
Suddenly they are gone. Perhaps embarrassed of your situation?
May not want to be involved or associated with your problems. Who knows..
But it's a fact. In times of trouble you really can tell who your true friends really are.
On the positive side,- the ones that do stick around will be a source of much strenght and joy! Sometimes you'll be surprised too. It may not be the ones you would have guessed that stick around, or disappear. You may learn you have better friends in some than you thought.
A toast to good friends! They make life a much better place!

Never to Old for a Lie-Low

I bought a pink Lie-Low, and it's so great! I have wanted one for years, but never got round to getting one. It' so relaxing chilling on the Lie-Low, being cradled by the waves. The lie low is cool and the sun is hot. The only think is one must make sure not to fall asleep on it, and figure out tricks on how to get on them without looking like an ass. My dog is not allowed near it with his sharp claws, though.

Power of positive thinking

Prone to melancholy as I am, I am learning to think positive.
And believe it or not.. IT WORKS. There really is such a thing as "self fulfilling prophecy".. I can now see how I have missed out on many opportunities in life, because I already firmly believed the outcome to be known, and to be negative..
To begin with I was too determined, and tried to be little miss sunshine, but now that I am less strict with my "positive thinking abilities" now( after all, it is OK to feel crap now and then). Victor Hugo said “Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad”.
It is important to grieve and to allow oneself to have a good cry when things go wrong. If not, you are just storing it away, and as it grows in "storage", it becomes your own personal liability.
But, the message is: Think positive and don't expect the worst. Trust me. it really works.

Relationships are never perfect!

Why is it thought that couples why hurt each other are a misfit or not "soul mates/perfect match" e.t.c.?
Friends show "concern" and you feel as if there may be something wrong with your relationship if it made you say and do what you have done or made your partner say or do what he has.
All relationships we have with those we love are about loving, hurting and forgiving each other. Again and again.
Mother and daughter, siblings at any age, close long-time friends,
-we all hurt each other occasionally, even hate each other for some time.
Misunderstandings, sometimes just the fact that we are human and make giant mistakes occasionally or sometimes just strain and circumstances that would be enough to have anyone a little tense.
When you have a huge fight with your loved one it's easy to believe that the relationship itself is a huge failure, and that there must be something wrong since you end up hurting each other all the time. (if icepicks,heavy tranquilizers, baseball bats and/or knives have been involved, it IS wrong and you should ignore this post)
But there are the same rules for man/woman relationships as for all other meaningful and rewarding human relationship.
We will hurt one another, because we love. And we must give space to the other to deal with anger, hurt and rejection at times. But if its forgiven and sorry is said, and you move on, that's what its about. Am I right?

First day of summer in a Bikini

I have put it off the best I can, but now I just have to stop being silly. I have to accept I am unfit, white as skimmed milk, and that will stay so until I get my arse down to the beach and swim and tan for a few weeks.
Then I will be, if not toned, less wobbly..
and if not tanned, not Anne Hathaway or LiLo.
First day on the beach in a bikini... always a mountain to climb.

Facts of life that at least I never knew..

The slowest growing finger nail on the human hand is the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the middle finger nail.

Cockroaches can live up to 9 days after having their heads cut off. (No wonder bug spray doesn't seem all too effective!)

An office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet seat!

George W. Bush has an IQ of 91..

Dogs not always mans best friend

I love my dog. He is a great companion and always friendly. When I'm down he cheers me up, and he's the only one who appreciate my smelly feet after a day in pumps.
But... Some days getting out of bed to do the morning walk is VERY HARD.
He is up at 06.30. That's when the nagging starts. I have to run out with him, shower, have breakfast and get to work. All before 9 am!
Some days I don't mind, and we enjoy our walks, but rainy days or after a late night it's NO FUN AT ALL. Same thing goes for the last walk of the day (he gets out 4 times a day). When I am dead tired. That's when he takes forever to do his "business" as well. People will hear me pleading with the dog " Please, just a little plop for mummy. Come on give us a shit, goddammit!"
If you consider getting a dog, and you work full time, consider the fact that 3-4 hrs of your day vanishes.
All in all it's worth it though.

Too many beers in the sun..

No no no. I have done it AGAIN.
As sure as the Brits will get a sunburn, I have been dizzying round outside with too little clothes on. Yes, the sun is out, but that does not mean flip-flops. Soaking up sun, very nice, but I could feel a chill, couldn't I? The fact how cold it really was, muted by the many beers, most probably.
Seem to recall the dog shivering and whimpering towards the end of the evening, snuggling my beach bag for some snippet of warmth. What idiot goes out in a t-shirt in April. Anyway, my stupidity was handsomely rewarded with a 1 week stunt in bed with a copiously persistent and draining flu.
At least it's me who's sick. I don't get mansick...

Beer tastes better in the sun!

Phew! It's another winter survived. Exercise is fun again, and people look up rather than down walking down the street. Even dogs have a new swag in their trot, and beer just tastes that much better sipped in loving spring sunshine.
The girls seem prettier with their freshly shaved legs and fake tan streaks.All of a sudden men everywhere are panic-jogging, to get a sixpack before hitting the beach.. (giggle giggle, good luck with that guys)
Bye bye weight-gain and greasy comfort-food, welcome swimming and crispy salads!
Bye bye depression and nasty colds, hello velvety evenings in cotton dresses!

Spring fever!

My apologies to those living in Nordic conditions still. Here we are in the bud of spring. My dog has already tested the ocean. Sun and fresh wind, not freezing cold wind, coffee on the balcony with a blanket kind of weather. It's ACE!
I am naturally prone to brooding during the winter-months, and just when I feel like caving in, ta ta ta taa, there's the sun.
The ocean is blue and turqoise again, not black and angry.
Birds chirp and I've got a light sprinkle of freckles..
Finally! I can't wait for the year's first swim.

De-clutter: NOW

Some people have no clutter. Yes, they have loads of stuff, but it's all organised and neat, de-earning it the status of "clutter" and re-earning the label "functional living."
"This hamper is wonderful", my friend told me, "It's got one pocket for bills, one for personal mail, and one for crap we will throw away". The hamper/wall-ornament with little blue and white fluffy clouds printed on ( a result of my friends passion for arts and craft, hangs right inside the entrance door. "So, when we get in, we just sort it out then and there! Neat, huh?" she smiles.
I imaging what it looks like when I come home after a 11 hr. job at the office.
Bang! The wall shows how I fight my way through the door 1,5 meter broad with shopping, the mail clutched in my teeth, a laptop worth it's weight in lead, overcoat, umbrella, files and work-related paperwork..e.t.c.
My shoes kicked off in each direction, usually later found between the hallway and kitchen. I usually throw my coat on the kitchen table or chairs, bag on the kitchen counter, keys in the always empty fruit-bowl and I put away the fridge/freezer first before I force my partner to put aside the rest while I have a rest with my feet up.
Yes, we have tried to make systems to where what goes. It works as a repellent on me. If there's a bowl for coins, I'll drop them in the vase next to it. If there's a shoe-rack, mine goes off in the kitchen.
No hamper will change clutter in my home, I'm afraid.
Currently pondering a different solution.

TV, endless source of negotiation

As a working (and somewhat bone idle) couple, the evening is spent snuggled on the couch with our dinners, watching TV.
There's the remote control issue to start off with. When he has the remote, he drives me insane flicking trough channels at solar speed, where all I get is a headache. How he can absorb the picture and make a decision on the eligibility of the program in a split second of a blurred flash of the picture, where I cant even make out if it's a program, commercials or in color or black & white is a riddle to this day.. But, hey, I get to flick most of the time.
There are programs that are so girlish that any man would rather wear lace panties before admitting to have seen a full episode of "Who's wedding is it anyway", "Tyra Banks show", "Yummy Mummy", "Charmed", "Celebrity Makeover" or "Women on men", so best just let it go.
Then again there are programs men love, even if they are both educational and "current", us girls just can't muster up the enthusiasm to last through a full episode. You have those hi-tech "futuristic/scientific" specials we know and love, such as "Mega structures", "Uncovered: Life on Mars", "Physics of Athletics" and the "History/Myth-Busting"- category such as "The Third Reich:5 hrs. behind-the-senes special", "Djenghis Khan: War Strategy" or the "Adventure/Wildlife" category with goodies such as "Worlds most dangerous Predators", " Whitewater rafting: Alaska gone wild!" or " Reptiles in the outback".
So, what can we agree on.
Thanks to whatever good forces was with me, but my man is blessed with an almost complete lack of interest in the no.1 enemy of female TV-viewing: Sports. That's right, no.sports.necessary.
We both enjoy a good comedy, and we can agree on several.
We like Malcom in the middle, coupling, Scrubs, Two and a half men, king of Queens, Fraiser, The Office (Brit version, please!), How I met your mother, Rules of engagement e.t.c.
He can endure an occasional Sex and the City or Lipstick Jungle, and I'm compromising to see NYPD Blue or CSI.
All in all we both agree on two things as far as the TV is concerned:
1: What's up with all those commercials!
2: What's up with those constant re-runs?!