Life Changes quicker than I

Have you ever felt that "karma" or life itself makes sudden moves, and it's hard to keep up? I am at a place right now, where everything feels like a roller-coster ride I did not sign up for. And, as usual, everything happens at once!
I like predictability and comfort. Chaos and change somewhat frightens me.
With no control I feel lost. But, perhaps I am in control?
Some of these changes are secret thoughts I have hidden on the "harddisk" for a while, just could not bring myself to do anything about it.
In fact. None of the changes I am going through are truly a surprise to me..
Karma is a harsh mistress

You know you are back home when..

- You feel like a child again. Parents never stop acting like parents when you are under their roof. It's a timewarp.
- A sheep or two walks through the garden when you have your morning coffee (Norway)
- You meet old scoolmates and think to yourself, "damn, they look old"
- You forget the wonderful health politics with a dash of christian puritanism of Norway and try to buy a sixpack of beer after 18.00, only to be sent out in shame
- You find some of your old clothes and make sure that no, there is no chance in hell you will EVER EVER fit back into them.
- You find some of your old clothes and blush by the thought of you actually wearing that in public
- Going to bed at 22.00 seems perfectly natural
- All food is nostalgic and tastes great
- You can't wait to get back to your own place, even though the visit home was great

It may just be the dark

Why do thoughts come to us differently after sunset? What us it with the sun setting and the stars appearing that make us humans relaxed, pondering and amazed at all thought suddenly flowing through our mind? I love those hours of utter silence and lonelyness. When it seems you are the only being awake. But it can easily be a time of negativity and sadness. Of longing and when regret, shame, guilt and what if's come to haunt us. There is pure magic in the night. Listen to Debussy's Claire de Lune, next time you feel ambivalent about your lonely nighttime thoughts. The melody perfectly describes the feeling of sitting up after dark. Its neither cheerful nor dark, it's simply the spirit of night.

How we deal with loss

Today Michael's official memorial. An artist that have had an impact on anyone alive today over the age of 15. It's touched me in many ways. Ways I never expected. You see, I have been known to mock him. Not just a bit. What I feel now is guilt and shame. Sure, his face was bizzare, his kids are blond and with blue eyes, his style "eclectic" and personal life .. I have said enough in the past.
Now that I try to digest the news of his sad death, I am left with one word. Lonely.
Why I don't really know, as he always sorrounded himself with the most out there people and stars. Perhaps his gravitation towards older women (Ross, Taylor), followed by the pursuit of children's company. He just seemed so lonely and so utterly lost. Michael, I sincerely apologise for my many cruel jokes about you.
I will play your beautiful song "Ijust can't stop loving you" tonight and think only good things of you. Rest in peace. I hope you have found everything you were so clearly looking for in heaven.

Friends

There are times in life when the going gets real though. It happens to most of us.
Its what they call life, I guess. When the shit hits the fan, you need your friends. Funnily enough this is a time when you get a fresh outlook on reality also in that aspect. When life is good and money is good, health is good and so on, friends hang out and are frequently part of your life. But, in times of need you really figure out who your true friends are. Many vanish overnight.
Suddenly they are gone. Perhaps embarrassed of your situation?
May not want to be involved or associated with your problems. Who knows..
But it's a fact. In times of trouble you really can tell who your true friends really are.
On the positive side,- the ones that do stick around will be a source of much strenght and joy! Sometimes you'll be surprised too. It may not be the ones you would have guessed that stick around, or disappear. You may learn you have better friends in some than you thought.
A toast to good friends! They make life a much better place!

Never to Old for a Lie-Low

I bought a pink Lie-Low, and it's so great! I have wanted one for years, but never got round to getting one. It' so relaxing chilling on the Lie-Low, being cradled by the waves. The lie low is cool and the sun is hot. The only think is one must make sure not to fall asleep on it, and figure out tricks on how to get on them without looking like an ass. My dog is not allowed near it with his sharp claws, though.

Power of positive thinking

Prone to melancholy as I am, I am learning to think positive.
And believe it or not.. IT WORKS. There really is such a thing as "self fulfilling prophecy".. I can now see how I have missed out on many opportunities in life, because I already firmly believed the outcome to be known, and to be negative..
To begin with I was too determined, and tried to be little miss sunshine, but now that I am less strict with my "positive thinking abilities" now( after all, it is OK to feel crap now and then). Victor Hugo said “Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad”.
It is important to grieve and to allow oneself to have a good cry when things go wrong. If not, you are just storing it away, and as it grows in "storage", it becomes your own personal liability.
But, the message is: Think positive and don't expect the worst. Trust me. it really works.

Relationships are never perfect!

Why is it thought that couples why hurt each other are a misfit or not "soul mates/perfect match" e.t.c.?
Friends show "concern" and you feel as if there may be something wrong with your relationship if it made you say and do what you have done or made your partner say or do what he has.
All relationships we have with those we love are about loving, hurting and forgiving each other. Again and again.
Mother and daughter, siblings at any age, close long-time friends,
-we all hurt each other occasionally, even hate each other for some time.
Misunderstandings, sometimes just the fact that we are human and make giant mistakes occasionally or sometimes just strain and circumstances that would be enough to have anyone a little tense.
When you have a huge fight with your loved one it's easy to believe that the relationship itself is a huge failure, and that there must be something wrong since you end up hurting each other all the time. (if icepicks,heavy tranquilizers, baseball bats and/or knives have been involved, it IS wrong and you should ignore this post)
But there are the same rules for man/woman relationships as for all other meaningful and rewarding human relationship.
We will hurt one another, because we love. And we must give space to the other to deal with anger, hurt and rejection at times. But if its forgiven and sorry is said, and you move on, that's what its about. Am I right?

First day of summer in a Bikini

I have put it off the best I can, but now I just have to stop being silly. I have to accept I am unfit, white as skimmed milk, and that will stay so until I get my arse down to the beach and swim and tan for a few weeks.
Then I will be, if not toned, less wobbly..
and if not tanned, not Anne Hathaway or LiLo.
First day on the beach in a bikini... always a mountain to climb.