You know you are back home when..

- You feel like a child again. Parents never stop acting like parents when you are under their roof. It's a timewarp.
- A sheep or two walks through the garden when you have your morning coffee (Norway)
- You meet old scoolmates and think to yourself, "damn, they look old"
- You forget the wonderful health politics with a dash of christian puritanism of Norway and try to buy a sixpack of beer after 18.00, only to be sent out in shame
- You find some of your old clothes and make sure that no, there is no chance in hell you will EVER EVER fit back into them.
- You find some of your old clothes and blush by the thought of you actually wearing that in public
- Going to bed at 22.00 seems perfectly natural
- All food is nostalgic and tastes great
- You can't wait to get back to your own place, even though the visit home was great

It may just be the dark

Why do thoughts come to us differently after sunset? What us it with the sun setting and the stars appearing that make us humans relaxed, pondering and amazed at all thought suddenly flowing through our mind? I love those hours of utter silence and lonelyness. When it seems you are the only being awake. But it can easily be a time of negativity and sadness. Of longing and when regret, shame, guilt and what if's come to haunt us. There is pure magic in the night. Listen to Debussy's Claire de Lune, next time you feel ambivalent about your lonely nighttime thoughts. The melody perfectly describes the feeling of sitting up after dark. Its neither cheerful nor dark, it's simply the spirit of night.

How we deal with loss

Today Michael's official memorial. An artist that have had an impact on anyone alive today over the age of 15. It's touched me in many ways. Ways I never expected. You see, I have been known to mock him. Not just a bit. What I feel now is guilt and shame. Sure, his face was bizzare, his kids are blond and with blue eyes, his style "eclectic" and personal life .. I have said enough in the past.
Now that I try to digest the news of his sad death, I am left with one word. Lonely.
Why I don't really know, as he always sorrounded himself with the most out there people and stars. Perhaps his gravitation towards older women (Ross, Taylor), followed by the pursuit of children's company. He just seemed so lonely and so utterly lost. Michael, I sincerely apologise for my many cruel jokes about you.
I will play your beautiful song "Ijust can't stop loving you" tonight and think only good things of you. Rest in peace. I hope you have found everything you were so clearly looking for in heaven.

Friends

There are times in life when the going gets real though. It happens to most of us.
Its what they call life, I guess. When the shit hits the fan, you need your friends. Funnily enough this is a time when you get a fresh outlook on reality also in that aspect. When life is good and money is good, health is good and so on, friends hang out and are frequently part of your life. But, in times of need you really figure out who your true friends are. Many vanish overnight.
Suddenly they are gone. Perhaps embarrassed of your situation?
May not want to be involved or associated with your problems. Who knows..
But it's a fact. In times of trouble you really can tell who your true friends really are.
On the positive side,- the ones that do stick around will be a source of much strenght and joy! Sometimes you'll be surprised too. It may not be the ones you would have guessed that stick around, or disappear. You may learn you have better friends in some than you thought.
A toast to good friends! They make life a much better place!